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Mullein

POSTED AUGUST 13, 2021 BY SHERRA V. IN ALL ARTICLES, BACKYARD PLANTS, HOUSEHOLD REMEDIES, PLANT OF THE WEEK19

Mullein (Verbascum thapsus), also known as great mullein or common mullein is a native biennial plant of Europe, northern Africa, and Asia. It has been used in herbal medicine for at least centuries. It is a tough and drought tolerant, sometimes weedy, species of mullein.

Mullein’s name originates from an old French word that means soft. The soft yet durable fuzzy chartreuse leaves even make great emergency toilet paper. In fact, one of the mullein’s many common names is Velvet Plant. The mullein we are familiar with is part of a genus of plants called Verbascum. Verbascum has over 200 species.

The Verbascum thapsus species has many variations throughout its native homelands. Interestingly, the great mullein or common mullein, Verbascum Thapsus, familiar in North American has less variation. This may be attributed to Mullein’s seed longevity and the presumption that many of the North American species may have originated from a smaller gene pool that arrived with early settlers of North America.

The History Of Mullein

Mullein’s arrival to North America dates back to early in the 18^th century. Its ability to spread had some botanists mistakenly thinking Mullein was a native plant. This is because of its ease of spreading, seemingly arriving ahead of the settlers who brought it!

Mullein has been used in traditional medicine for at least 2000 years. It was first recommended in De Materia Medica by Dioscorides, a Greek physician, pharmacologist, and botanist.

Roman soldiers, among other cultures, used mullein stalks dipped in grease or wax as torches. Additionally, a yellow dye may be obtained by boiling the yellow mullein flowers in water.

Its medicinal potential was taken up quickly by First Nation people of North America as an aid to pulmonary illnesses. Also, mullein root was powdered and made into poultices for wound care, rashes, and infection by the Zuni people of New Mexico. Mullein leaves were also used to line shoes to help keep feet warm.

Where The Plant Is Found

Mullein is found throughout North America including Canada, Mexico, and all US states including Alaska and Hawaii. Moreover, it grows at elevations from sea level to up to 10,000 feet. Mullein prefers disturbed low-quality sites that are well-draining. Full sun is where mullein is found. It is intolerant of shade. Look for mullein in natural areas such as dry pastures, meadows, and open forest areas. It is also common in disturbed areas such as road cuts and edges, along railways, and industrial areas. Not exclusively but in general, mullein is found in gravelly and sandy soil situations.

Related: The Complete Map of Edible Plants: Find Out What You Have in Your Area! (Video)

How To Identify Mullein

Mullein is a biennial plant which means it flowers in its second season. In its first season, mullein forms a basal rosette of silvery green leaves. In its second season, the tall, up to 8 feet, flower stalk grows from the center of the basal rosette. Often, mullein is found growing in colonies.

• Shape: In the first year, mullein forms a basal rosette 1 to 2 feet across. In the second season, the tall club-like flower stalk bolts up 6 to 8 feet.
• Leaves: Leaves are large and fuzzy. They grow up to 15 inches long and 5 inches wide. Leaves are silvery green or chartreuse in color. They are oval and widest at the base, becoming narrower ending in a blunt or slightly pointed tip. Leaves attach alternately with short stems at the base of the plant. They are stemless as they grow up the stalk.
• Flower: The upper 2 feet of the flower stalk is covered in densely packed yellow flowers that are ¾ inches across. Only a few flowers are open at any one time. Flowers have five yellow petals and five orange-tipped stamens.
• Stem: The single club-like stalk rises from the center of the basal rosette of leaves. The stem is also covered in fine hairs.
• Fruit & Seeds: The stalk with seed capsules may persist through winter. Each flower becomes a 2-chamber capsule, each containing dozens of seeds. In fact, a single plant may produce 200 to 300 seed capsules with up to 600 to 800 seeds. This means that just one plant may produce as many as 100,000 to 240,000 seeds!

How To Grow Mullein

Mullein makes attractive plants in the landscape. Interestingly, there are many ornamental varieties to choose from. They are also a popular choice in emergency gardens, herbal medicine gardens, and food forests. Mulleins need a lot of room to grow and prefer sunny, dry areas.

Their seeds may persist for many years in the soil. In fact, viable mullein seed has been found that is hundreds of years old. For this reason, it makes sense to choose an area for mullein where it may naturalize and form an attractive and beneficial colony of plants. It is interesting to note, plants require a dormancy period and exposure to cold temperatures to bloom.

To grow mullein, collect seeds in fall from dried flower stalks. Scatter seeds liberally in an area that is in full sun with rocky, gravelly, or sandy soil. In spring, check the area for successful first-year plants.

Related: The 10 Medicinal Seeds You Should Plant for a Complete Backyard Pharmacy (Video)

How To Harvest This Plant

• Leaves: Leaves are best picked from young plants in spring during the early parts of the day. The leaves of first-year plants are excellent, in my opinion. Some folks prefer harvesting leaves from second-year plants just before or during the plant’s bloom period.
• Flowers: The flowers of mullein can be collected from a large area or over several days. This is because only a few flowers on each plant are open at the same time.

They are best picked just as they are freshly opened during the early part of the day.

Related: 400 Wild Plants That You Can Forage For (Video)

What Mullein Is Good For & The Natural Remedies Made From It

• Mullein has been used in the treatment of many respiratory and pulmonary issues. These include asthma, bronchitis, congestion, tuberculosis, and spasmodic coughs.
• It has also been used to treat many gastrointestinal issues such as diarrhea.
• Similarly, mullein has been used to treat inflammation and pain such as gout, and migraine.
• Interestingly, mullein also has many benefits for issues of the skin. Particularly, mullein is helpful for wounds, burns, frostbite, infections, and bruises.
• Mullein, along with other medicinal herbs, has been used to help naturally treat ear infections in children.
• Mullein contains many active compounds which may contribute to its beneficial effects. These include saponins which may help pain and inflammation. Additionally, other mullein active compounds are flavonoids, phenylethanoids, and iridoids which are antioxidative and anti-inflammatory.
• Most interestingly, mullein has shown incredible antibacterial activity. A study of mullein extracts showed inhibition in certain bacteria. These included Klebsiella pneumonia, Staphylococcus aureus, Staphylococcus epidermidis, and Escherichia coli. Similarly, mullein extract showed inhibition of certain types of tumors.

The plant itself also has many uses. The club-like flower stalk can be used as a torch. Similarly, the dried felt-like leaves make excellent tinder. The flowers can be boiled to make a yellow dye. This dye can be altered to make brown and green dyes as well.

Related: How To Naturally Dye Your Everyday Items (Video)

It is useful in the landscape as it provides food and shelter for many pollinating insects. They are visited by many birds and butterflies as well.

There are many natural remedies that can be made from mullein.

• Mullein extracts can be made in water. These are also available through health food stores and online.
• A tincture made by soaking mullein leaves and flowers in alcohol is another way to extract the beneficial compounds of this useful plant. (available in the Apothecary)
• Mullein oil is excellent for treating skin afflictions. Moreover, it has been used as a safe and natural treatment for ear infections in children. The oil can be made by hot processing mullein leaves and flowers in a carrier oil such as olive oil.
• Alternatively, mullein oil can be made by a slow, cold infusion process. This would entail using fresh or dried mullein leaves and flowers and infusing them in a carrier oil at room temperature.
• Mullein Tea is available commercially. Below, we will share a DIY recipe for making dried mullein tea. Moreover, this dried mullein tea can also be used to make any number of the above recipes.

Related: The Easiest Way to Defeat Seasonal Allergies, Boost Lung health, And Calm Asthma. Visit my new Apothecary today to learn more!

What Parts Of The Plant Are Used In Remedies?

Although there are some historical uses of the roots and seeds, most notably, the leaves and flowers have the most medicinal uses. The leaves and flowers are the most valued plant parts due to their antiseptic, anti-inflammatory, expectorant, astringent, and antispasmodic properties.

A DIY Mullein Tea Recipe

In this recipe, we will collect fresh young leaves and prepare them for storage. This is the first step to using the many beneficial attributes of mullein. The dried leaves can then be used to make mullein tea as shown below. The dried leaves may also be used to make extracts, tinctures, and oils as described above. Alternatively, you might use fresh leaves and flowers to make other mullein products. As they are fresh, they would need to be prepared or processed much sooner after harvest.

Method

Collect young mullein leaves from first- or second-year plants in spring.

The best time to do this is early in the day while it is still cool. If necessary, gently wash the leaves of any debris.

Dry the mullein leaves. Mullein leaves are dense and strong. They require significant time to dry. They can be dried using a dehydrator or a very low-temperature oven. Mullein is susceptible to losing its lovely silvery-green color when dried. Often dried mullein is a dull rusty brown.

To avoid this, I dry the mullein in a paper bag to limit the exposure to light which fades and changes the color. I hang the bag in a protected area with excellent air circulation. A great place might be on a porch, under a deck, or in a barn. Check the bag regularly and toss the leaves slightly. This will help the leaves dry more evenly.

When the leaves are fully dry, they will be rather stiff but not brittle. Surprisingly, they are durable even when dried.

I tear them apart by hand as they are difficult to chop up with a knife. I put them in an herb chopper or food processor to break up the leaves even further.

Once the leaves are broken up to a reasonable size for making tea, they are perfect to put in a glass jar for long-term storage.

Mullein Tea

To make the perfect cup of mullein tea, first, boil a cup of high-quality water. Next, place 1 teaspoon of dried mullein leaves in a cup and cover with the boiling water. Allow steeping for 10 to 15 minutes.

*Important Step! Filter the steeped mullein tea through an exceptionally fine mesh or coffee filter. In this way, the fine hairs will be removed from the tea. The fine hairs of mullein leaves can irritate the airway. This, of course, is contraindicated if the tea is to aid respiratory or pulmonary systems.

Drink tea as is or add a sweetener of your choice to taste.

An Excellent Companion To This Tea: Throw a couple of thyme leaves in with the mullein while it is steeping. Delicious!

Potential Uses Of Dried Mullein Leaves

Most of the mullein leaves dried here will be used as an evening tea to help clear the airway and strengthen the respiratory system.

Dried mullein leaves can also be used to make an oil infusion. Using dried leaves versus fresh leaves to make oil infusions is often recommended. The lower moisture content makes a safer infused oil that has a longer shelf life. Mullein infused oil can be used as a topical treatment for wounds and skin irritations. It may also help relieve symptoms of earache.

Similarly, dried mullein leaves can be used to make extracts and tinctures. These can be used as supplements or as topical treatments.

Dosage

Currently, there is not a lot of evidence to support specific dosages of Mullein products.

How To Preserve This Plant

Mullein can be dried as described above. Extracts from the fresh leaves and flowers can also be made in oil, alcohol, or water to preserve this beneficial plant.

What Plants Resemble Plant?

Mullein

Feature	Mullein (Verbascum thapsus)	Lamb’s Ear (Stachys byzantine)
Size & Shape	A 1- to 2-foot basal rosette. 4 to 6 foot single flowering stalk.	Low uniform mat.
Leaves	6- to 15-inch-long oval leaves. Gray-green and very fuzzy.	2- to 6-inch-long tongue-shaped leaves. Blue-green leaves with white woolly hairs.
Flowers	4- to 6-foot single flower spike covered in densely packed yellow five-petaled flowers	12 to 18 inch flower spikes bloom in summer with small purple flowers.

Warnings And Cautions

Mullein is considered safe for internal use. All preparations need to be diligently filtered to ensure the removal of fine hairs. Of course, with any new ingredient do a small skin test prior to ingestion or liberal topical use. Any reaction such as itchiness or hives may be an indication of sensitivity. Practice caution with topical use, particularly for people who suffer from sensitivities and allergies.

To reduce and avoid any contraindications or medicine interactions, check with your healthcare provider before starting new herbal remedies.

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19 Comments

• STEVE Z POSTED AUGUST 13, 2021 3:07 PMI love Mullein ! I use it for teas and smoke it. I add mint leaves for taste. Question: Is there any problem adding Oregano and or Catnip to smoking mixture ?Reply
  • THE LOST HERBS POSTED AUGUST 17, 2021 5:23 PMHi Steve,Thank you for your interest in our work.Yes, you can add Catnip and Oregano to your mixture.Smoking catnip may not be the primary use of this herb, but it can be smoked. It works as a slight sedative, providing a sense of calm and tranquility.
    Be aware that large doses are reported to cause headaches, nausea, or dizziness. Its sedative effects may mean it is not suitable for use before driving or operating heavy machinery.Oregano is an exceptionally flexible spice. You can smoke oregano mixed with other herbal blends or tobacco. Smoking oregano gives you a new mint-like fragrance and herbal taste.I hope this helps!You can also check out the article below for more information about the herbs that can be smoked:
    https://thelostherbs.com/healing-herbs-you-can-smoke/Many blessings and good health!Reply
• MEAGAN MCDERMOTT POSTED AUGUST 13, 2021 3:56 PMI love mulein… another purpose not mentioned, highly illegal to do however important knowledge for survival situation ONLY is the seeds can be ground to a powder and when sprinkled into water where fish are, it will stun thr fish and they float to the top of the water. This is illegal for many reasons as it can completely deplete the fish, which can cause major environmental impacts. However, this is also knowledge to be lost to time I thought was fascinatingReply
  • ELISE POSTED AUGUST 14, 2021 9:50 PMHi Megan, Interesting bit of knowledge you’ve shared. So, just like foraging for plants, medicines, gathering food ought as you say not to “deplete” the precious fish. So, I’m wondering, since the fish are stunned, does this mean, that any not removed from the water would still live? Or is that a permanent situation for the whole bunch (or school)? Thanks (may none ever be in that dire situation).Reply
    • GINA POSTED AUGUST 15, 2021 2:38 AMIt only stuns for a brief time. Fish must be killed before processing.
  • KT WOLF POSTED NOVEMBER 9, 2021 5:52 PMThe saponins are harmful to the fish’s gills. Compare the sensation to shooting dish-soap up your nose–not pleasant, and it would have after-effects. The severity of damage and the effectiveness of the stun would rise together with the dose. A fish might recover afterward if the damage was not too great and a predator didn’t take advantage of their weakness.An easier plant to use to accomplish this kind of fish harvest with saponin would be the Kentucky Coffee tree. The tree creates pods with large, hard seeds inside, and in autumn, when the pods are fully ripened and brown, the interior is filled with a bright green goop surrounding the seeds. That goop is easy to harvest and then dissolve into a small amount of water, before pouring into a pond for a fish-kill. (Also, the goop is just sort of fascinating. Back when there were megafauna in North America, the sweet-tasting goop was the tempting food that got mammoths to help distribute the seeds.)Reply
• ROGER POSTED AUGUST 13, 2021 5:12 PMEnjoyed this info.Reply
  • THE LOST HERBS POSTED AUGUST 17, 2021 5:12 PMHi Roger,Thank you for your comment.
    I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed this.Many blessings and good health!Reply
• TRACEY POSTED AUGUST 13, 2021 5:43 PMWhy do some of the mullein stalks take a couple of 90-degree turns at the very top when they grow? We have these everywhere, and some simply grow straight up, and others make two turns on the way up. I have been noticing this a lot this year.Reply
• SHIQUANA C MCGEE POSTED AUGUST 14, 2021 6:36 AMI heard that smoking mullein can help stop tobacco addiction? Any truth to this?Reply
  • ELAINE+GRIFFITH POSTED AUGUST 16, 2021 9:26 PMI did just that nearly 50 years ago..it helped alot as it gave you something to smoke as you were trying to get rid of the habit. I also mixed it with mint for a menthol taste sometimes. but was not sure how good smoking mint is for the lungs.Reply
    • STEVE Z POSTED AUGUST 17, 2021 1:43 PMThanks Elaine. That’;s what I’m trying to get an answer for. I’m using mint, Oregano and sometimes, Catnip and Sage. There has been no response from the Editor or author on the plausibility of these herbs for smoking.
• CATHY POSTED AUGUST 14, 2021 10:01 AMWow. We have mullein growing left, right and centre in gardens and fields in Ireland….. I shall start harvesting. Thank youReply
  • THE LOST HERBS POSTED AUGUST 17, 2021 5:26 PMHi Cathy,Thank you for your comment.
    I’m happy to hear that you have mullein growing all around you.Many blessings and good health!Reply
• RUTH CASPELL POSTED AUGUST 15, 2021 9:58 PMIs there a timing – stage of growth – when mullein leaves are most effective in a tea for respiratory difficulties?Reply
• RUTH CASPELL POSTED AUGUST 15, 2021 10:00 PMIs there a timing – stage of growth – when mullein leaves are most effective in a tea for respiratory difficulties?
  Oh just found this:
  ‘Collect young mullein leaves from first- or second-year plants in spring’
  So I’ll wait till next Spring 🙂Reply
• JOHN L. MOESCHE POSTED OCTOBER 5, 2021 11:12 AMMullein is easy enough to identify. It reminds me of a psychotic corn stalk. Its always been worth the effort to make tea.Reply
• DIANA ROSS POSTED JANUARY 5, 2022 2:12 PMhello, where can I find mullein seeds to grow. I am in Camden nj and I would like to grow some. I do purchase the dry version of the leaves, but would like to expand my garden. Also is smoking this herb as well as others better than smoking actual black and milds or cigarettes? Trying to find something for my oldest son. He smokes…Reply
• BONNIE POSTED JANUARY 14, 2022 4:25 PMThank you!Reply

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Gaslighting Me with Psyops

Dear David Ray Judass Harriott,

We have been friends for a long time; or I thought you were my friend, and I thought I knew you… but you are the great pretender.

I’ve been doing some digging; and now, I’m begining to know and understand who you truly are… and what you are hiding from. I know about your past, I know about your childhood, and I know about your father.

Otherwise, I can and I will crucify you. Let it be written, let it be done. You will speak no more evil of me, and do no more evil to me; and I will not bring justice upon you.

Call it blackmail, call it a peace treaty, call it what you will. You were my friend, you are my friend no more; but we can pretend. You are good at that, you are the great pretender, the best pretender I have known.

Just go away, go in peace, and I will give you peace in return.

As an insurance policy; only two others know what I know, one from one of our communities, and one from another… and I will be stashing the evidence. We have chosen the path of mercy, providing you do the same.

Never mistake meekness for weakness… CainO’

I just found out David-Ray may have an expeditable warrant in California for child support. So once he gets served, I think he will bolt.

Not only that… but I’ve been doing some digging lately. What I’ve uncovered, makes me not want to dig anymore; for I’m afraid of what else I might find. It makes me sick to my stomach. I just cant believe hes had me fooled for so long. I thought I knew him, but now… I don’t really want to know any more.

From: my mom

I typed this up. I couldn’t sleep it is really pissing me off that he broke our trust. Not sure if I’ll send it. But what do you think about what i said and should I send it?

David Ray: I have been nothing but nice to you. I let you stay at my place in KC, so you could work and make money. I tho’t I could trust you. You even called me Mom. Is this the way you treated your own mom? No wonder they told you to leave.

Last week you asked me if you could buy TriG. I said no she is not for sale. So as soon as I leave you steal her.

When she broke her leg, you said “Put her down. She’s useless, she won’t be able to have babies.” Garrett said “No.” Garrett and I took her to the vet. He said she’d be would adapt fine since she was only a month old. So David-Cain, Garrett and I decided to save her. You were going to kill her “for meat”, is what you said last weekend. Well she was only a month old so killing her “for meat” … too young. She can’t have babies…oops, guess you were wrong about that too. But when you found out… oh she could have babies! Well… now you say she’s yours again. She isn’t yours she belongs Cain’O, Garrett & I. You wanted to kill her.

I you’d steal from me and Garrett what are you stealing from Cain’O. I trusted you I honestly tho’t you could be trusted not to steal stuff. You had the key to about almost everything I have done there. What else have you taken? What have you taken from Cain’O?Now you broke that trust. You were trusted to protect & take care things while Cain’O was out on the road but you didn’t take care of the animals, you abused animals, you supposedly “know about goats” but you ignored all the sign and let them die even your own (that’s the same as abuse). You were a trusted friend for yrs. That is what hurts the most.

: 9 Tips to Help You Sleep

• ologsinquito
• Apr 13, 2017

In my personal experience with narcissistic abuse, I’ve found that education is my best weapon.

What is Narcissism?

Malignant narcissism is a personality disorder, characterized by a flagrant disregard for the rights of others. Narcissistic individuals abuse those around them. In a group setting, such as an office, they typically select one person at a time for an extreme and intense form of emotional warfare. Social scientists call this “narcissistic abuse.”

They are consummate and skillful liars. By spreading false stories about their target, they are able to win people to their camp. One characteristic of this personality disorder is apparent lack of conscience or remorse. Narcissists also have a difficult time with accountability — if they are confronted about their behavior, they will generally fly into a rage.https://81a229b51789529cc1785f2be9b2dad2.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

Psychologists believe that narcissism is a permanent, incurable condition.

The Role of the Enablers

There’d be no such thing as narcissistic abuse if it weren’t for the enablers. These are the folks who sit on the sidelines and watch someone else being whipped. They could step in and demand that it stop. They have the power to do so. All it takes is one or two courageous souls to say, “No, this is not okay.”

For various reasons, however, enablers elect to remain “neutral.”

The narcissist depends upon these weak-willed comrades. Abusing someone isn’t any fun if it’s only a party of two. With a crowd, there’s unlimited potential for drama. The narcissist can pull a lot more strings that way.https://81a229b51789529cc1785f2be9b2dad2.safeframe.googlesyndication.com/safeframe/1-0-38/html/container.html

If it were just the abuser and her target, it wouldn’t be worth it to carry out a full-fledged hate campaign. So, the narcissist works to get others to turn on the target. The collective betrayal, which comes from the camp of these enablers, is even more devastating than the primary source of abuse.

Targets—especially if this happens at work or in a social setting—watch as the people they thought were their friends slink away as the battle intensifies.

Not taking a stand to stop someone from being hurt doesn’t absolve you of guilt. On the contrary, you become an active participant, whether you consider yourself one or not.

Some enablers even take it a step beyond, by switching from idling in neutral to all-out support of the morally disordered person. They may even turn into “flying monkeys” who carry out small attacks in order to stay on the bully’s good side.

Enablers are Not Innocent

Narcissistic enablers are guilty

Pixabay photo by johnhain

Why People Become Enablers

• Most enablers likely act out of weakness rather than malice. However, this doesn’t excuse them. That’s because enablers have a lot of power. The abuser relies upon them not to back up the target. Before any attacks begin, a morally disordered person will carefully plan the battle. This can take months to even years before direct hits are launched.
• Warfare begins only if it’s clear that there’s an excellent chance of decimating a target. If there’s a solid support system, the abuser won’t make a move. This means the enablers are the variable, which can either make or break a plan. The narcissist knows this, which is why so much effort is put into creating chaos and confusion. This makes it easier for the enablers to rationalize their position. They may even begin to believe the target is getting the treatment she deserves, and that she did something to warrant the narcissist’s extreme reaction.

Motivated by Self Interest

Enablers are guided by self interest. So, they choose not to help the victim.

• In a social setting, such as in a neighborhood full of young mothers, a woman might worry about her own social standing. She doesn’t want to be the next victim. She also wants to ensure her children aren’t ostracized.
• Narcissists are serial abusers. Once they eliminate one person, they find someone else to kick around. This is the unspoken threat that keeps enablers in line. The fear of ending up as a target is palpable and overriding.

Onlookers are Afraid of the Bully

Enablers are like blind sheep.

Pixabay image by PixelAnarchyScroll to Continue

Read More From Youmemindbody

How to Shut the Narcissist Down

Narcissists & Psychopaths: Surviving the Smear Campaign

Narcissists & Magical Thinking

In the Workplace

A lot of emotional abuse among adults takes place at work. It seems as if every office now has a resident bully. Bully behavior is what narcissists excel at. Undoubtedly, a lot of these folks suffer from malignant narcissism, or a related personality disorder. Here is how it carries out:

• The target receives no help. When an attack is carried out at work, it’s a very rare individual who’ll risk their job to defend a target. However, this is understandable considering that livelihoods are at stake. Although we are still called to do the right thing, putting up resistance could get you into trouble, while not doing anything can also be hazardous to your job.
• The target ends up leaving. Workplace bullies attack with the aim of driving their target into the unemployment line. Usually they succeed. About 75 percent of the time, someone who’s bullied at work moves on. This happens either because they are fired, due to trumped up charges, or they voluntarily resign.
• Then, the attacker moves on to the next. Workplace bullies operate on a similar principle as serial killers — they are angry, bloodthirsty creatures who need fresh prey. Once the target leaves, they start hunting for another. This person is often chosen from their pool of enablers. In an especially ironic twist, a “flying monkey” may even find herself on the receiving end of a narcissist’s wrath.

Narcissists are Seething with Rage

Enablers empower the narcissist.

Pixabay photos by LoggaWiggler

Why People Fall for the Lies

Some enablers don’t help because they have swallowed the stories concocted by the narcissist. But this doesn’t entirely let them off the hook, because we’re not supposed to listen to gossip in the first place. If someone is painted in an unflattering light, we should stop the conversation and insert a kind word on that person’s behalf. It appears as if an enabler neglects this important step. Instead, they listen to the falsehoods being spread.

The fact that some people believe these tales says little about your character, but volumes about theirs. First, because they listen to gossip, they encourage this vice. They provide a comfortable ear for the tale-bearer. They also suspend their ability to think critically, and to form their own opinions about someone. This is why enablers are not so innocent. They’ve made a choice to support the abuse, even if they don’t see it that way.

In my personal experience with narcissistic abuse, I’ve found that education is my best weapon. This is why I often recommend that targets read all they can about this disorder. The book Narcissists Exposed is an excellent introduction to the warped mind of a malicious personality. It clues you in to the game played by disordered people. Once you understand how they operate, you’re not nearly as vulnerable to their attacks. After a while, with proper distance, it may even become amusing.

Suggested Alternative Behavior

Stand by the Target	Confront the Perpetrator	End the Gossip
Refusing to go along with the plan. If someone is mistreated or excluded, a true friend will work to rectify the situation.	Let a bully know that his/her bad behavior hasn’t gone unnoticed should help reign in the abuse. Bullies rely upon lack of social sanctions.	Refuting the lies you hear frees you from the compromising position of being an enabler.

How to Support the Target

Targets often make the mistake the thinking that the enablers are their friends. However, true friends won’t tolerate their buddy being mistreated. They will find a way to defend them, even if it means they take a personal risk. It’s understandable that a workplace colleague wants to protect his or her position.

There are still ways to support a friend who’s under fire:

• You can walk away, or issue a strong defensive statement, when the trash talk begins. This sends a loud message that you’re not going along with the program.
• Or, if everyone is going out for drinks after work, and the target doesn’t receive an invitation, a true friend will also decline. Anything else means lending your acceptance.

An Explanation of Workplace Bullying

A Painful Reality

If you’re a target, it’s a painful realization that the abuse kicked into high gear only with the help of enablers, some of whom may even have stooped so low as to deliver a few blows themselves.

Remember, their behavior is not a reflection of your worth as a person. Instead, they chose the path of least resistance, which underscores the fact they don’t have much integrity. Now, they need to watch their own backs because they could be next.

A personal note: I am not a licensed mental health professional. I learned about malignant narcissism through first-hand experience.

This content is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge and does not substitute for diagnosis, prognosis, treatment, prescription, and/or dietary advice from a licensed health professional. Drugs, supplements, and natural remedies may have dangerous side effects. If pregnant or nursing, consult with a qualified provider on an individual basis. Seek immediate help if you are experiencing a medical emergency.

Comments

Gsquesk on November 28, 2016:

Sadly, I work for a narcascitict entrepreneur who is out if the office much of the time attending to another business venture. She has hired a grossly narcascitic , vulgar bully as her internal conduit of information. I have expressed my concern over this bully’s vulgar behavior which is totally inappropriate anywhere let alone in a business environment to my immediate supervisor who is the COO of the business. It has become obvious that this has been reported to the bully becasue now I am on the receiving end of her bad behavior. I haven’t called her directly on any of it but that day is coming. I can’t afford to lose the position but at some point my patience will run out.

Edith Hellyer Felker on November 18, 2016:

You hit the nail on the head…I am suffering repeated abuse spanning 40 years. Somebody help me. I suffered chronic and acute carbon monoxide poisoning and suffered brain damage, was diagnosed with sarcoidosis, had crystals in my blood, had half of my nipple necrose, had a double mastectomy performed on me without my permission, had my blood pressure swing wildly during surgery, had my body double in size after surgery at Scripps La Jolla (and these doctors are EXCELLENT!), was deprived of pain medication after vision surgery and cried all night long rubbing salt into the wound, had my reputation demolished, had our finances ruined, had family members turned against me, had pets and chickens poisoned or killed, was starved nearly to death (they claimed it was everything from AIDS to bulimia, but they did it to me) and this is just a little bit of what they did to me.

Chrissy on November 17, 2016:

Great article. Makes sense of a recent unpleasant business experience. I’ll be watching to see which enabler becomes the next victim – I’ve a firm idea who it’ll be. Now I’m aware of this type of behaviour I’m pretty sure I can spot similar types/situations. Sad that we have to stand back & be guarded rather than trust first impressions; but life’s too short to waste on these self absorbed characters – or their weak “friends/colleagues”. The saying “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” certainly rings true in my case. Education & awareness has to be the way forward – I’ll be spreading the word!

A on September 28, 2016:

I was bullied at school by a narcissist, she had her flying monkeys and enablers after primary school she transferred the abuse to secondary school where she ensured that the abuse would continue by destroying my reputation with so many enablers. my home life was dysfunctional so I had no support system to fall back on and not fitting in school made the abuse and suffering worse, If karma exists this narcissist has suffered a horrific death for what she did to me. For some reason throughout my life I have always come across narcissists . My present narcissist is my mil she has been emotionally abusive towards me, my husband the golden child enabler and also has narcissistic tendencies. The last two jobs I had I left because the bosses were workplace bullies and narcissists treating all their employees like shit. As a result from all my dealings with these demons I now suffer from PTSD and I have told I also have mild cerebral atrophy. As far as my marriage is concerned It’s been so hard with a narcissistic mil and a golden child mamas boy very bad. I have been stuck for nearly 30 years I just don’t have any money to get out. I feel I will probably get a illness soon and die. Sometimes I wish I did die but I love my now adult children so much to even contemplate suicide. I can’t get a job I’m too old for school and I am wallowing in severe depression because I am I so much pain.

Janet on August 16, 2016:

Just wanted to say keep posting and thanks for the website. I was involved with a narcissist in my 20s, am now 69. There wasn’t much information about them in those days and its taken most of my life to understand what happened to me and my two sons. I did get him out of my life after about four years because I realised he only cared for himself and not us. Then the stuff happened where he lied about me and isolated me from my friends who I had though would be my support when I got him out of my life, one of whom was the father of my eldest child. We have never been able to repair that relationship. Thankfully I had a very supportive mother who helped us through. Despite trying a few times I have never been able to make a relationship work and my sons don’t really understand what happened. However, while he caused a lot of destruction he did not destroy us and we have gone on to life unconventional interesting lives. It is good to know that the information is now out there now.

Claudia on August 07, 2016:

It seems to me by my experience that sometimes the Narcissist’s Family Members can easily become Enablers of their behavior. I think that this is because since they are Family, they cannot just leave and get away from the Narcissist and so they feel that they have to just go along with everything, in order to keep themselves safe.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on April 30, 2016:

Hi Misfit Chick, I totally agree that narcissists are probably very miserable inside and that they need to heal from a disorder where they try to solve their own problems, and feelings of emptiness, by hurting others. Thanks for reading.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on March 28, 2016:

Hi lone female and Beth, thank you so much for reading. Lone female, I hope you can find new employment. I am so sorry this is happening. Unfortunately, most people do not have the integrity to stand up to a workplace bully. They are either enamored with him, do not know what is going on or choose to ignore what is happening, hoping it’s an isolated case. There’s also the underlying fear that they’ll be next. They might be.

BethSeyah on March 28, 2016:

As an adult child if a narcissistic mother, I have struggled with coming to terms with my father’s role in my abuse. As the scapegoat child, I was physically, mentally and emotionally abused by my parents. My father did abuse me, and I believe he did this with mother because of the chaos my mother created in the home. My siblings were encouraged to make fun of me on a regular basis. Although not healthy, I am certain their participated spared them from the physical abuse I endured.

I do believe my father is an enabler and not a narcissist. I have gone no contact with my mother because of her ongoing verbal abuse throughout my adulthood. She will have no part of me having a relationship with my father. At times, when I miss my dad, my husband reminds me that he is also guilty of abuse. Regardless, it still hurts not to see him.

Thank you for your article. It helps me to understand my dad’s role in my abuse.

lone female on March 27, 2016:

I have been the victim of workplace mobbing. I am employed by a large factory with approx. 2500 employees. Out of that I am one of only 30 female workers. I work with between 40 to 70 coworkers in which 95% of the time I am the only female on shift. One of the managers never took me seriously, causing him to get pulled in for disaplineary meetings and by not listening to me caused the company millions. After the fact he started spreading malicious rumors about me behind my back. Causing who I thought were my friends at work to join in and believe the lies that were being spread. Even though I’ve known these ppl for years they still believed and joined in with the bullying. I feel as if I am being forced out of a very well paying job on account of me doing my job and others not doing their own. The stress has gotten so bad I am now suffering from ptsd and numerous physical symptoms (numbness, excruciating back/muscle/joint pain, muscle spasms, stress rash, numerous new allergies, IBS and can’t forget the migraines that can last 20 days… etc. I have been battling with widespread pain for 2 years and always pushed through it seeing as most doctors I saw couldn’t figure out what the problem with me. I’ve gone through every test that is at my disposal, yet none of them rendered any results. It’s amazing to finally know what is wrong and to know it’s not something even more serious. I never once would have thought all this pain and suffering I’ve been dealing with is due to stress, and unfortunately nothing I could have done differently would have changed the I’ve been treated. I was always taught sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me. This is one quote I will not be passing down to my son, because words can actually be worse and leave you dead!! I’m just wondering if any others here have experienced pain caused by stress and have you found a way to manage it? I feel like I’ve tried everything I can. 🙁

ologsinquito (author) from USA on March 26, 2016:

Hi Sarah, sorry you’ve been through this. Life will be much better going forward, trust me. Just surround yourself with goodness.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on February 25, 2016:

Hi Mary, thank you so much for reading. It sounds as if you’ve experienced this as well.

Mary on February 24, 2016:

Wonderful article!

ologsinquito (author) from USA on January 23, 2016:

Hi Sally, these are my own thoughts exactly. So few people have the integrity to stand up to a bully. In a group setting, it would take just one or two strong friends and it would all stop. I know what you mean when you say this can only happen when no one helps. Thank you so much for reading.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on January 15, 2016:

Hi GregH, thank you for reading. Your store is a good example of why more light needs to be shed upon females who have no regard for others. We need to bust the myth that all females are nurturing, so men and women can recognize the signs of this disorder and run in the other direction, before a romantic or a platonic relationship becomes too involved. I wish you the best of luck.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on January 14, 2016:

Hi Theresa, I am so sorry to hear about this, and how you most likley had a terrible time growing up. Narcissists are extremely divisive. If they weren’t, people could get together and compare notes. I’m convinced that the best thing we can do is to educate ourselves about this disorder, so we can spot it in future relationships. Then we need to decide how much distance we need. We won’t heal ourselves unless we forgive. God Bless you.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on January 14, 2016:

Leslie, thank you so much for reading. I hope to help others. Jacklee, maybe I can do that. My first goal is to get this featured again.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on January 03, 2016:

Kelly, I don’t know what to say except maybe evaluate the relationship with your boyfriend, and decide if this is what you want, because this woman is going to be a part of your life, for what sounds like a long time. She’s not going to go away and she’s not going to change. She’s part of the package. If things are this difficult now, they will only get more difficult later. This might not be what you want to hear, but I have to be honest. Best wishes.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on October 08, 2015:

Hi Karli, thank you so much for reading. It is miserable dealing with a malignant, malicious narcissist. But it also helps you to better appreciate all the good people out there.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on September 15, 2015:

I will pray for your daughter. I’m so sorry to hear about this. We are living in a terribly troubled world right now.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on August 20, 2015:

Hi FreeSpirit, I couldn’t agree more, which is why I believe the targets who pray need to pray for these pathetic adult bullies and their weak-willed enablers.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on July 25, 2015:

Hi Becki, a clear conscience is priceless. In the long run, the narcs only hurt themselves. The enablers have very weak character and, oftentimes, issues of their own. Sorry this has happened to you.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on July 20, 2015:

Hi Jenn, thanks for reading.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on April 20, 2015:

Hi Mr. John, this disorder does seem to becoming more prevalent. What a great idea for training in the workplace, because a toxic work environment is very costly to the company.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on March 26, 2015:

Hi Shelly, thanks so much for reading. Believe it or not, many blessings have come from the experience.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on March 18, 2015:

I’ve also read that book and I agree that it is a real eye opened. Thanks again for reading this.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on March 15, 2015:

Hi Digital, I am so sorry to hear about this. It appears as if malignant and troubled personalities gravitate toward volunteer groups and churches. (I’m not saying this to discourage anyone from going to church, as I go myself, but to avoid becoming too involved, and to make sure you don’t “trample” on the territory they’ve marked out for themselves.)

Of course no one is going to believe you, because the bully has them in his or her pocket. Once something like this happens, the best bet may be to move on and find a place where your talents are appreciated. Good luck.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on July 31, 2014:

Teaches12345, thanks so much for reading.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on July 31, 2014:

Hi Brooke, thanks for reading. I’m of the mind that increased awareness may possibly help curb this plague.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on June 26, 2014:

Hi Sam, you’ve raised an excellent point. When I write about my own experience with malignant narcissist, whom I met at church, I realize that some her her enablers also had personality disorders. These folks definitely do work in packs, and it does get quite toxic. I’m sorry you had the experience. It’s an absolute nightmare while you’re in the midst of it. Thanks for reading.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on June 26, 2014:

Hi Alicia and MsDora, thanks so much for reading. It’s quite alright about the personal experience because it was a lesson I had to learn, and, now, hopefully I can help others.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on June 23, 2014:

Hi grand old lady, thanks so much for reading. I also believe they are oftentimes fooled, but weak nonetheless.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on June 23, 2014:

Hi FlourishAnyway, a true friend like the one who didn’t attend is a treasure. These people are rare, and priceless. It sounds as if that one person at your company had more integrity than the others. What a sad story, and how pathetic that the managers went along with it, and that no one could see through the childishness of the “certain people” clause. But you can bank on the fact that this whole clique eventually dissolved.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on June 23, 2014:

Hi Eric, I know you’re not an enabler. I can tell because you are not afraid to say whatever’s on your mind.

ologsinquito (author) from USA on June 23, 2014:

Hi suzette, thanks so much for reading and for the support.By ologsinquito

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Ok… Due to recent events.

You have 15 days left to move yourself and your things off the property.

You can thank Sophie for wanting to give you a reprieve. But at this point, Im ready to just burn everything to the ground.
You just need to pack your bags, I’m done with you.

You have 15 days; you need to relocate yourself, and the rest of your belongings somewhere else.

I’ve been the only one buying goat for the past seven years, and you are going around telling EVERYONE that the feed I buy is shit. You think you can do better, yet you never do. I like my way of doing things better then your way of not doing things. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have any goats left at all, yet you trash talk me to everyone you can.

I also know you have also been slandering me about not buying cat food lately; you haven’t bought but maybe a couple/few bags of feed for any of the animals over the last Se7en years, so its about time you earn your keep and feed some animals for a change. That being said; you tell other people that im the one buying shitty food for the animals, when in fact, i think the food you are buying is the cheap crap. I seriously doubt that you are buying the equivalent to or better then that that i buy.

Furthermore… You don’t do hardly anything I ask you to do around here, you think you only have to do one hours worth of work daily and you barely do that, you hardly do anything on the land at all. You don’t do what I need you to do, you only do what you want to do, and you haven’t been fallowing through with your end of our agreement. Austin has been living next door since 2019; and he says he never hardly ever see you doing any work on the land at all, that you hardly ever leave the greenhouse, except when I’m home… And barely at that. Yet you trash talk me to the community.

Thank you for finally getting your stuff out of my overseas storage container, so I can get it up and out of the mud. It’s been sitting in the mud for seven years now, I’ve only been asking you to do something about it for over five years now. I see the floors totally ruined, thank you. I’d expect you to pay for the damages, but I know you won’t. You haven’t helped me pay hardly any of the bills around here, or compensate me for my animals that you killed by neglect; so why would you pay me for other damages that you’ve caused me.

You continue to disrespect and disregard me or my property. You need to clean up your pigsty’s, I’m tired of looking at your trash… you can no longer live in here, you like to live in filth; and I don’t need or want for that to be in the public eye or even on my property. People are tired of seeing your pigsty, even your wife complains about it.

I’m subdividing and selling the front half of the land to Sophie and Josh, so they want it cleaned up. Josh is buying the northwest side, Sophie is buying the southwest side. Maybe Sophie will let you stay on her part, but I know Josh won’t; and I don’t really want you either at this point. I don’t take kindly to lying, thieving, backstabbing, narcissistic parasites.

Your free ride is over; I’m already supporting enough welfare recipients with my tax dollars, I don’t need another one. I’ve had your back for the past 9+ years; and you repay me by talking trash on me to the community since 2019, bad mouthing me to my business associates, you’ve been sabotaging me and stabbing me in the back. Yet you kiss ass and you are nice to my face. If this is how your friendship works, I don’t need it. People have been telling me to throw you out for years, including but not limited to people within the community; now you and I are done. They think you’re a parasitic narcissist; and to be honest, I’m starting to agree with them. Maybe I should just become a welfare recipient like you, then I too won’t need to accept responsibility or accountability either.

I’m cleaning house. Whatever I don’t plan to keep, I’m either selling or burning.

🔥🔥🔥 Dennis Style 🔥🔥🔥

You no longer have any command, you no longer have any authority whatsoever. You no longer represent me, nor speak for me in any form nor fashion. I’ve been too nice, and too LAX. You’ve basically just been taking advantage of me; talking trash on me, sabotaging me, and stabbing me in the back. You’re lucky I’ve given you so many chances; most people think I should have put you out a long time ago, and maybe I should have. Now I understand why your family kicked you off the family farm nine years ago… and now, I don’t blame them.

You think our friends and my business associates don’t report back to me what you have been saying about me? You are a fool. I’ve giving you too many chances already, but I would be a fool to keep you around any longer. So it’s time to ship out. Our friendship is over; but then again, you started killing it long ago. You are a hypocrite and a Pharisee

So by July 1st, you better be packed and moved out. Anything you leave behind after July 1st will be considered abandoned property. If you come back on my properties without my writing consent, you will be trespassing and I will have you arrested.

PS… I have video surveillance, witnesses, and documented evidence of most everything. You have been given public notice. Don’t go away mad, just go away. You did this to yourself, so blame David-Ray of the Parasitism family.

CainO’